Waiting to see...

So I know it has been a long time since I have made a last post. And I think that most of you know some of what is going on. As of now I am in a waiting period to see what will happen next. The previous family I was living with did not work out. It was an awful experience for me. The night before I went to our "Trainee Conference," I had a panic attack. I could not breath, feel my body and thought I was going to faint. I was not going to let myself faint so then I felt like I was going to puke. Needless to say I was in a bad situation. 

At the conference, the committee and I discussed some options of what we could do. It was obvious that I was not going back to the family but we were unsure of what to do next. For the past week, I have been in Hemberg Switzerland staying with another trainee. We shoveled cow manure, fed sheep, cleaned the house, cut down flowers and baked bread. It was good to get away. But during this time I did a lot of thinking.

The committee presented a couple of options for me, which I had to think about this whole past week. One option was to stay in the Basel area and work for another family. This family has a handicapped child and two other younger children. I would help the younger children with their homework since one has dyslexia and help with the handicapped child. It will be in all German since they do not really speak any English. At this placement I could stay for a year. 

The second option was to go to another placement in Germany. I would live and work in the town where another trainee lives and also another committee member. Part of the time I would work for the committee member helping with her children. The other part I would work for the church and also with the other trainee visiting and taking care of elderly. I would live with the trainee in an apartment. But in three months time I would move again.

Finally, the last option is to go home. When I was talking with the committee we were discussing this option. I said how important I think this year will be and how much I want to stay. But at the same time, I want to do what is best for me and maybe going home is the best option.

I have been going in circles and circles. For some reason, I can't seem to make up my mind. Today, my mom and sister are coming. It will be good to have them here to discuss what is best and hopefully come to a decision. 

Please pray for guidance and understanding. This is one of the biggest decisions that will change the course of my life. Thank for all your prays during this hard time.