I am back home and slowly getting back into things. So far it has been good. After living away from home for the past two years, I have finally moved back into my room. Slowly pictures are being put up and getting everything else organized. My mom says lots of things need to be done but that will come in time. 

As of now, I am just helping around the house. Today, I packed away all the outdoor cushions for the winter weather, made bread and pick-up leaves. I also am looking for a job but most people are just hiring for the holidays so we will see how things go. If I can't get a job then my mom said there is always things to do around the house. That should keep me busy for a while. 

Homeward Bound

It is official. I am coming home. Over long debating (in my head) and talks with many people, I think the best option for me is to come home. Even though I wish I could stay I am not sure that my body or emotions could handle much more. Coming home offers a place of comfort and stability where I can hopefully become those exact things. 

Sadly, I had to say good-bye to some really great people I met. As any Mennonite connection usually is, I hope to keep in contact with these great people. I made some really great memories and am thankful for those ones. 

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I know without them I would have been lost. For those of you who are wondering what I will be doing, my best answer is "I am not sure, yet." I am planning on staying at home for a while and helping my mom around the house, go on lots of walks, and whatever else to put my body in a relaxing state of mind. In December, I will be attending a program that will help me talk and learn to deal with some things that I went through. Eventually, I guess I will go back to school. But right now I am more focused on getting back to normal and feeling healthy again. Much love and thanks. 

Waiting to see...

So I know it has been a long time since I have made a last post. And I think that most of you know some of what is going on. As of now I am in a waiting period to see what will happen next. The previous family I was living with did not work out. It was an awful experience for me. The night before I went to our "Trainee Conference," I had a panic attack. I could not breath, feel my body and thought I was going to faint. I was not going to let myself faint so then I felt like I was going to puke. Needless to say I was in a bad situation. 

At the conference, the committee and I discussed some options of what we could do. It was obvious that I was not going back to the family but we were unsure of what to do next. For the past week, I have been in Hemberg Switzerland staying with another trainee. We shoveled cow manure, fed sheep, cleaned the house, cut down flowers and baked bread. It was good to get away. But during this time I did a lot of thinking.

The committee presented a couple of options for me, which I had to think about this whole past week. One option was to stay in the Basel area and work for another family. This family has a handicapped child and two other younger children. I would help the younger children with their homework since one has dyslexia and help with the handicapped child. It will be in all German since they do not really speak any English. At this placement I could stay for a year. 

The second option was to go to another placement in Germany. I would live and work in the town where another trainee lives and also another committee member. Part of the time I would work for the committee member helping with her children. The other part I would work for the church and also with the other trainee visiting and taking care of elderly. I would live with the trainee in an apartment. But in three months time I would move again.

Finally, the last option is to go home. When I was talking with the committee we were discussing this option. I said how important I think this year will be and how much I want to stay. But at the same time, I want to do what is best for me and maybe going home is the best option.

I have been going in circles and circles. For some reason, I can't seem to make up my mind. Today, my mom and sister are coming. It will be good to have them here to discuss what is best and hopefully come to a decision. 

Please pray for guidance and understanding. This is one of the biggest decisions that will change the course of my life. Thank for all your prays during this hard time. 

This past week I engaged in a variety of activities. One of those activities, well really is was part of my work, was to make a Christmas tree for Margaret's brother-in-law's family. It was great to be creative and work with Oliver, the youngest. He would speak to me in German, and yes, finally I understand what he is saying. My German is improving! I can understand and make complete sentences and usually my grammar is correct. It is great to also hear others saying I am doing so well. This coming week I am home alone because the family is on a two week vacation. That poses a problem for my German. I will be spending a lot of time by myself and speaking very little German so my improvements will not be so great. Further, this coming weekend we are having a trainee weekend, which I am so excited for, and we will only speak English there. It is just part of life and something that I am going to have to expect. Actually, I am glad because I feel overwhelmed sometimes by the amount of German that I am learning and speaking. That's all for now! I am off to choir. 

"The American Life" of "Fresh Air" and "Books"

This past week I spent a lot of time by myself. In the mornings I worked in the back with the vegetables but in the afternoons I would come back to paint. Margaret thought their basement was looking a little dark and needed an up-lift. As you can see in the photos the difference from what it use to be to now is quite different. She also was a very busy woman this week and thought that it would be something relatively easy for me to do while she was out and about. During my paints hours I discovered Podcasts. Now don't think that it was a new concept for me. I had listened to some before and heard of them. But I guess I never really listened to them. I was getting tired of just listening to music and also wanted a way to hear more about what is happening back home. I downloaded the podcasts called "The American Life", "Fresh Air" and "Books." Each one is different but similarly great. I hear stories from people's lives, news about Obama and policies, and readings of selected short stories. To be honest, if I were in American I am pretty sure I would not listen to them. But being here in Switzerland the opportunity arose and I thought I would try them. I feel much more connected to the world on a larger basis. Instead of hearing news from one station I am able to hear news from around the world and what others think. I also enjoy the stories I hear, often brining back memories of my life. All in all the week was good. I am looking forward to what I will be hearing in this next week as I am going to be painting the hallways. 

The Good Things in Life

This past week of work was really hard for me. Constantly, I am finding it harder to do the right things the right way. I find myself constantly making mistakes therefore becoming more nervous that I will make more mistakes, which I end up doing because I am nervous in the first place. I have decided that I want to focus on what is good in life. I love the fact that I have the opportunity to reach out to a local Mennonite church. It is not so much me reaching out, well actually I had to take the first steps, but more that they people at this church are so warm and welcoming. Shaenzli, is what it is called, and is about 10 minutes from where I live. On Monday evenings I attend the choir there where we are singing Bach and some other great German composers (which I can't remember at the moment but trust me they are good.) On Tuesdays I attend the youth group there. Kids from the ages of 16 to about 22 attend the youth group. Even though they speak in Swiss German, terribly hard for me to understand, I enjoy the warmth that I feel when I go. Mostly, they speak to me in German and ask me questions about what work is like, if I like it and how I like it here in Switzerland. A lot of them have done years over-seas and can relate to what I am going through. It is nice because I feel like they care. I also am very thankful for Debbie (seen above in the picture). She is one of the committee members of Intermenno. She lives about 10 minutes from where I live. She is warm and welcoming also, willing to talk and spent a year in Oregon so can relate to what I am going through. She also goes with me to choir and takes me to and from church. Her willingness and kindness is so great when most Swiss people don't take the time that Debbie does. So this is a thanks to them and to God for putting those much needed people in my life. And I am thankful for those good things. 

Spielwoche

                                                    My team. We came in second place!

An action shot!

Michael was prepared.

Our youth group, in orange, also came in second place for soccer.

The game ended in a tie. Overtime was played in penalty shots.

This week I went to youth group for the first time. Wow, was it nerve-wracking. But at the same time it was so great to get out and meet people my age. Instead of having a normal youth group time we practiced soccer and volleyball for a "Spielwoche", sports week. 

The past two days I spent playing volleyball with and against other Swiss. About 7 other youth groups came to join my youth group this weekend. In total 70 people came. There were 6 volleyball teams and many soccer teams, since that is the most popular sport here in Europe. 

I am so glad that I participated this weekend. The opportunity allowed me to meet many great people and practice my German, which I have made many breakthroughs with. Another exciting part about this weekend was that another traniee came to Switzerland. Her youth group, who is actually from Germany, came to play. Since he youth group had not started yet, she did not know anyone and did not want to play soccer. I invited her to play volleyball with us. Along with her help our team ended up getting 2nd place in the tournament. We lost to a team called Moron, said with a French accent but still sounds funny in English, whom we should have beat. I am now really looking forward to youth group on Tuesday to see the people I have met and hopefully improve my German some more.